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01. hello, this is what i look like:
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I am. Basically like this all the time. I can feel you judging me.

onward, ho! )
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Oftentimes when I’m enjoying a tomato, some bookish fellow will stop adjusting his eyeglasses for a minute to tell me, in his nasally little voice, “You know, tomatoes aren’t vegetables. They’re actually a type of fruit.” Immediately, everyone within earshot stops what they’re doing. In hushed tones my friends start to say, “Oh, snap, shit’s going down.” If I’m at a party the DJ will stop the record, and somebody will flick on the lights. No one even questions why I’m eating a tomato at a party, because everyone has learned to let me enjoy my tomatoes in peace. I’m not even going to make any sort of joke in this update, because what I always proceed to tell these nebbish blowhards should be digested as immutable lifeless facts:

*Fact one: It is true that botanically a tomato is a fruit. Everyone talks about this. But guess what: so are squash, green beans, bell peppers, and cucumbers. Are you still prepared to pretend you’re a botanist?

*Fact two: To get even more specific, tomatoes are berries. You might also want to note that bananas, avocados, and chili peppers are also berries—and that, botanically, strawberries, blackberries, and raspberries? Not berries at all, my friend, but aggregate fruits.

*Fact three: Check this out, Gregor Mendel: “vegetable” doesn’t even have much botanical meaning. It’s a culinary term and since the tomato isn’t sweet, it’s treated as a vegetable for cooking purposes.

*Fact four: In 1893, the U.S. Supreme Court officially declared that a tomato is a vegetable based on its usage and should be treated as such in accordance with the Tariff Act of 1883, motherfucker.

By now, the egoistic tomato-as-fruit proponent is lying unconscious on the floor with blood flowing from his nose. I didn’t even hit him, I just laid down some knowledge. Then the DJ restarts the party music and everybody begins dancing—everybody but me. I’ve got a vegetable to enjoy.
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This is a note some random dude that friended me on facebook a few weeks ago posted today. All I have to say is what. The. Fuck.

The words "God" and "Lord" (used for the Hebrew Adonai) are often written by many Jews as "G-d" and "L-rd" as a way of avoiding writing a name of God, so as to avoid the risk of sinning by erasing or defacing his name. In Deuteronomy 12:3-4, the Torah exhorts one to destroy idolatry, adding, "you shall not do such to the LORD your God." From this verse it is understood that one should not erase the name of God. The general rabbinic opinion is that this only applies to the sacred Hebrew names of God — but not to the word "God" in English or any other language. Even among Jews who consider it unnecessary, many nonetheless write the name "God" in this way out of respect, and to avoid erasing God's name even in a non-forbidden way

G-d Exists
The fact of G-d's existence is accepted almost without question. Proof is not needed, and is rarely offered. The Torah begins by stating "In the beginning, G-d created..." It does not tell who G-d is or how He was created. PFFFT LOLWUT.

In general, Judaism views the existence of G-d as a necessary prerequisite for the existence of the universe. The existence of the universe is sufficient proof of the existence of G-d.

G-d is One
One of the primary expressions of Jewish faith, recited twice daily in prayer, is the Shema, which begins "Hear, Israel: The L-rd is our G-d, The L-rd is one." This simple statement encompasses several different ideas:

There is only one G-d. No other being participated in the work of creation.
G-d is a unity. He is a single, whole, complete indivisible entity. He cannot be divided into parts or described by attributes. Any attempt to ascribe attributes to G-d is merely man's imperfect attempt to understand the infinite.
G-d is the only being to whom we should offer praise. The Shema can also be translated as "The L-rd is our G-d, The L-rd alone," meaning that no other is our G-d, and we should not pray to any other.
G-d is the Creator of Everything
Everything in the universe was created by G-d and only by G-d. Judaism completely rejects the dualistic notion that evil was created by Satan or some other deity. All comes from G-d. As Isaiah said, "I am the L-rd, and there is none else. I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create evil. I am the L-rd, that does all these things." (Is. 45:6-7).

G-d is Incorporeal
Although many places in scripture and Talmud speak of various parts of G-d's body (the Hand of G-d, G-d's wings, etc.) or speak of G-d in anthropomorphic terms (G-d walking in the garden of Eden, G-d laying tefillin, etc.), Judaism firmly maintains that G-d has no body. Any reference to G-d's body is simply a figure of speech, a means of making G-d's actions more comprehensible to beings living in a material world. Much of Maimonides' Guide for the Perplexed is devoted to explaining each of these anthropomorphic references and proving that they should be understood figuratively.

We are forbidden to represent G-d in a physical form. That is considered idolatry. The sin of the Golden Calf incident was not that the people chose another deity, but that they tried to represent G-d in a physical form.

G-d is Neither Male nor Female
This followed directly from the fact that G-d has no physical form. As one rabbi explained it to me, G-d has no body, no genitalia, therefore the very idea that G-d is male or female is patently absurd. We refer to G-d using masculine terms simply for convenience's sake, because Hebrew has no neutral gender; G-d is no more male than a table is.

Although we usually speak of G-d in masculine terms, there are times when we refer to G-d using feminine terms. The Shechinah, the manifestation of G-d's presence that fills the universe, is conceived of in feminine terms, and the word Shechinah is a feminine word.

G-d is Omnipresent
G-d is in all places at all times. He fills the universe and exceeds its scope. He is always near for us to call upon in need, and He sees all that we do. Closely tied in with this idea is the fact that G-d is universal. He is not just the G-d of the Jews; He is the G-d of all nations.

G-d is Omnipotent
G-d can do anything. It is said that the only thing that is beyond His power is the fear of Him; that is, we have free will, and He cannot compel us to do His will. This belief in G-d's omnipotence has been sorely tested during the many persecutions of Jews, but we have always maintained that G-d has a reason for allowing these things, even if we in our limited perception and understanding cannot see the reason.

G-d is Omniscient
G-d knows all things, past, present and future. He knows our thoughts.

G-d is Eternal
G-d transcends time. He has no beginning and no end. He will always be there to fulfill his promises. When Moses asked for G-d's name, He replied, "Ehyeh asher ehyeh." That phrase is generally translated as, "I am that I am," but the word "ehyeh" can be present or future tense, meaning "I am what I will be" or "I will be what I will be." The ambiguity of the phrase is often interpreted as a reference to G-d's eternal nature.

G-d is Both Just and Merciful
I have often heard Christians speak of Judaism as the religion of the strict Law, which no human being is good enough to fulfill (hence the need for the sacrifice of Jesus). This is a gross mischaracterization of Jewish belief. Judaism has always maintained that G-d's justice is tempered by mercy, the two qualities perfectly balanced. Of the two Names of G-d most commonly used in scripture, one refers to his quality of justice and the other to his quality of mercy. The two names were used together in the story of Creation, showing that the world was created with both justice and mercy.

G-d is Holy and Perfect
One of the most common names applied to G-d in the post-Biblical period is "Ha-Kadosh, Baruch Hu," The Holy One, Blessed be He.

G-d is our Father
Christianity maintains that G-d has one son; Judaism maintains that G-d has billions of sons and daughters. We are all G-d's children. The Talmud teaches that there are three participants in the formation of every human being: the mother and father, who provide the physical form, and G-d, who provides the soul, the personality, and the intelligence. It is said that one of G-d's greatest gifts to humanity is the knowledge that we are His children and created in His image.


I'm just flabberghasted that a self-described "Hardcore Christian" is again using another religion's teachings and justifications of their own faith to justify their own while conversely ignoring anything about said religion that disagrees with his own. Lazy ass. Why, why, why do people still hang on to religion? Yes, I realize he probably copy pasta'd this, but the fact is that he uses it.

Yes. I have real, deep problems with religion. It's something so entirely unnecessary, like a security blanket tied over from youth. It's a chronic illness. In the same breath that Protestants berate and look down on cafeteria Catholics, they themselves still pick and choose which parts of the Old Testament ripped off the Jews that they'll adhere to. Hell, any section of the Bible.

The Bible itself is filled with a lot of wisdom, but a lot of contradictions and horrifying displays of inhumanity. I can never disagree with an overall theme of peace and good will toward fellow man, even if it's difficult for me to feel those things all the time (especially when I think of this horse shit), but as I said, there are just so many contradictions. Stone her for this, stone him for that. This is an abomination onto the eyes of the Lord, Who hath made thee in His own image.

We're human beings. We're smarter than this.

Several of you disagree with me and dislike my opinions on the matter, but remember that I'm standing at the other side feeling the same way about yours, as I've demonstrated. I apologize for your hurt feelings, but I can't honestly say that I'm sorry.
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A list of books I have mooched/bought/downloaded in the past two days:

1. Mine-Robert McCammon
2. The Road-Cormac McCarthy
3. Blindness-Jose Saramango
4. When Rabbit Howls-Truddi Chase
5. The Handmaid's Tale-Margaret Atwood
6. The Girl Next Door-Jack Ketchum
7. Child of God-Cormac McCarthy
8. Oryx and Crake-Margaret Atwood

There's more I can't remember.
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Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your books! XD

Okay so last night I stumbledupon www.bookmooch.com and thought it was such a charming idea that I made an account and put a few of my books on there for people to request. A brief synopsis: You get a tenth of a point for adding a book to your inventory for other people to request and for each mooch you get from your collection you get one full point; you can request any book for one point. Well, I added them all at like three this morning and when my fucking mother woke me up far too fucking early at noon telling me to make myself useful (really, did she think I would get up and sweep the walk or something? I've been lazing around on my ass and fully intend to keep doing so for a few more hours) all my books that I posted last night have already been requested.

So here's the rub. I have eight books to send, and NONE of the books on my wishlist are available to mooch off anyone else. I think it'd be naive to just send eight and get nothing in return for a long time, but I can't think of anything to add to my wishlist. Here's where you come in, noble LJ friends: BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS!!! :DDD

So, for your convenience, I've made a list of all my favorite books so you're not at a total loss as to what to recommend to me! )
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These are things I like very much.

Read more... )
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Here's more of that question meme, these were givien to me by [livejournal.com profile] junkyardbluess!

1. What is the thing that you love the most about Metalocalypse? (really interested in the answer since I think I'll give it a try)
2. Dave Grohl, Josh Homme and Jonesy project coming our way. What do you think about it?
3. What do you think about the whole Twilight hype?
4. Do you think the whole 'half-full, half-empty glass' thing can really define a person?
5. What was the last book you read?


1. Honestly, the humor factor of this show outdoes almost every other aspect for me. Almost every episode had me grasping my sides with laughter the first few times I saw them and it's still hilarious. Never in a million years would you hear a Swedish bloke with a heavy accent describe pepper tolls (paper towels) as something you can't eat on a low carcobadrate (carbohydrate) diet otherwise. The crossover Dethklok v. the Goon comic is coming out in just a few days and the new season begins in November; all the episodes are going to be half an hour this time and fuck I'm excited. Both seasons are available on Demonoid for torrentin'.
2. I say bring it the fuck on. If we could stomach what he did with Diamanda Gallas we can handle this shit. I could support this guy with anything; he's a brilliant musician with a lot to offer and I think he should explore every available avenue.
3. Oh my God. Twilight is swill. A lot of you know that I have a thing for badfiction, which is exactly what Twilight is, and so I read them all for the hell of it. They were downright hilarious; Smeyer's writing is so ridiculously horrible that at several points I had to shove my fist in my mouth at four o'clock in the morning to keep from waking up the entire house with my hysterical laughter. On a more serious note, I find it utterly disturbing that so many young women buy into this. The books themselves are remarkably sexist, although written by a woman. The levels of emotional abuse dealt out to Bella, one of the most blaringly obvious Mary Sues I've ever had the misfortune of coming across, is romanticized; Edward does all these things because he 'loves' her, which in turn makes it okay in the minds of young women for any asshole who they believe loves them to deal out the same treatment. I think you all know how I feel about the movie franchises.

OMG RPATTZ

Seriously, nearly all of the actors and actresses are goddamn eyesores. My twelve year old cousin is fucking obsessed with Taylor Lautner and he looks like fucking Mustakrakish.

4. Not really. I don't think any one opinion can completely define anyone. For instance, if you were to go by my humble opinion that capital punishment is A-OK, you'd assume that I was conservative through and through. Not so, you profiling son of a bitch.

5. Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World. Find it. Read it.
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♥♥♥ If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal. ♥♥♥
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN HENRY BONHAM!

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Thank you. Thank you so much for everything you've ever given me and taught me as an artist and a human being. It's hard to convey to other people why it is that I love you and the music you helped to create so much. When I was a child (and to this day) I just couldn't understand other people; their objectives, what they meant to me, what I meant to them, what they were trying to convey, but when I rifled through my mother's CDs at the young age of five for something to listen to in my little stereo and I found Houses of the Holy, I understood, and I felt understood. So many years later I look back and thank the forces that be for guiding my little hands to that particular plastic case so that I could have found what came to mean more to me than most anything else in my entire life. If I could understand nothing else, I could understand your music. I could understand it then and I understand it now. What would I have been without that influence in my life? What kind of person would I be, when my life has been shaped by your work and the work of your contemporaries? Had it not been for you, I never would have demanded a set of drums of my own and I never would have experienced the pure and unadulterated ecstasy that accompanies the accomplishments of finding something you were meant to do and excelling at it. I can think of many friends I would not have made, many jokes I'd never share, and many moments of happiness I'd have missed out on. Life isn't preternaturally joyful. It's hard and grueling and miserable at times. Through you, your music, and what it came to mean to me I have found real joy in my life. I could never be the person I am today without you.

Your body is long gone and in an entirely different state of being, but the body that you inhabited for your short time on earth did not contain all that you were, all that you are, and all that you mean to so many people like myself. Physical death is nothing, really. Nothing that you really are is gone. You've only stopped, for the time being. I miss you. Simple words can't say much more.
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YOU GUYS I HAVE A NEW GREAT-GRANDKITTEN AND HIS NAME IS OBI WAN KENOBI AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
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HAY U GUIZ GUESS WHO'S OUT FOR SUMMER?
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I just downloaded Google Chrome. For it I decided to download the Google toolbar. When I got to the download page it ACTUALFACT, NO SHIT said "We're sorry, but Google Toolbar 5 is only available for Internet Explorer and Firefox." There just aren't any words for this.
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